Rude Bastards Tour of Amsterdam (CYHIT)

A Bold, No-Nonsense Tour of Amsterdam’s Quirkiest Corners

If you’re tired of the typical, slow-paced history walks that feel more like a history lecture than a fun adventure, the Rude Bastards Tour of Amsterdam might be just what you need. Priced at only $3.48 per person, this 2.5-hour tour promises an irreverent look at the city’s past, led by guides with a wicked sense of humor and a love for the city’s more unconventional stories.

What we love about this experience is how it mixes humor with history—you’ll learn about places like the Begijnhof and Rembrandt’s House while laughing at bad jokes and hearing colorful language that makes the tour lively and memorable. Plus, the small group size of just 15 travelers ensures a more personal, interactive experience and the chance for you to ask questions or get insider tips.

One potential consideration is the modern, playful tone, which might not appeal if you’re looking for a deeply serious historical perspective. This tour leans more toward entertainment and curiosity than strict education. Overall, it suits travelers who enjoy a lighthearted, humorous approach to exploring a city rich in stories—and who want to see sights off the beaten track with a lively guide.

Key Points

• Humor & Authenticity: Guides deliver history with bad language, jokes, and a cheeky attitude.
• Small Group Experience: Limited to 15 travelers for a more intimate and engaging tour.
• Diverse Stops: From Centraal Station to the Bloemenmarkt, exploring iconic and hidden locations.
• Value for Money: At just $3.48, it’s an affordable way to see more of Amsterdam than typical tours.
• Flexible & Practical: Mobile tickets and a predictable schedule make planning easy.
• Ideal for: Travelers who appreciate wit, local stories, and quirky insights over formal history.

Deep Dive into the Rude Bastards Tour Experience

The Starting Point: Centraal Station

The tour kicks off right at Amsterdam’s central hub, Centraal Station. Meeting at LoetjeStationsplein, you’ll be greeted by your guide, who introduces the city’s character with a mix of humor and intriguing facts. This lively start is perfect for setting the tone—no stuffiness here. The guide’s personality seems to shine through in reviews, with many mentioning how witty and interactive they are. For instance, one reviewer calls their guide “witty” and “interactive,” which is exactly what makes this tour stand out.

First Stop: Cafe Karpershoek

Next, you’ll visit Cafe Karpershoek, a spot with historical importance. Your guide will share why this place is more than just a cozy bar—it’s a part of Amsterdam’s history since 1606, when the first registered tapper, Vrerick Geritssen, started selling beer. The storytelling here isn’t dry; it’s peppered with fun local tips and colorful language. This stop offers a chance to understand how Amsterdam’s drinking culture has shaped the city while enjoying some of its oldest taverns.

Exploring the Old & Unusual: Nieuwezijds Gay Sauna

One of the most intriguing stops is Nieuwezijds Gay Sauna, a building with centuries of history. The guide describes how this area was once lively and fun, with old artifacts unearthed from the neighborhood. The commentary makes it clear that Amsterdam’s past is layered and sometimes cheeky, giving you a glimpse of the city’s more playful side. This stop is unique and unlikely to be included in traditional tours, which adds to its appeal.

Dam Square & Damstraat

Moving to Dam Square and Damstraat, the tour explores how this iconic location has evolved over the centuries, from medieval times to modern-day events. The guide shares stories of buildings and city changes while also pointing out the lively street life and current happenings. The reviews highlight how quick yet insightful this part of the tour is, offering a compact history lesson with plenty of personality.

The Historic Begijnhof

A visit to Begijnhof offers a window into the lives of women who lived communally in this peaceful courtyard. The guide describes its interesting history and modern uses, making the visit both educational and fun. Travelers have appreciated the storytelling here, noting that it’s a charming spot packed with stories about community life and historic figures.

The Artistic Spotlight: Rembrandt’s House

At Museum Het Rembrandthuis (not included in the ticket price), you get a dose of Dutch art history. The guide shares amusing anecdotes about Rembrandt’s eccentricities and his wild life, making this stop both informative and entertaining. Though entrance isn’t included, it’s worth planning for if you’re an art lover.

The Cultural Layer: Amsterdam Museum

The nearby Amsterdam Museum adds context to the city’s development and the types of museums that thrive here. The guide’s insights help you understand how culture, art, and history intertwine in this vibrant city, adding depth to your visit.

The Colorful Bloemenmarkt

The Bloemenmarkt, or flower market, is a lively, colorful spot with a history dating back decades. The tour offers a brief background, emphasizing how it’s become a symbol of Amsterdam’s love for flowers and commerce. It’s a quick but memorable visual highlight.

Wrapping Up at The Waag

The tour concludes at The Waag, a historic building that once served as a city gate and now hosts a museum and restaurant. Here, the guide reflects on the madness, charm, and stories encountered during the walk, leaving you with a sense of the city’s lively spirit.

The Practical Aspects: What You Need to Know

Pricing at just over $3.50 per person, this tour offers extraordinary value, especially considering the small group size. You’ll get a lively guide who knows how to entertain while sharing interesting stories. It’s booked about a week in advance on average, so planning ahead is wise during peak seasons.

Duration is approximately 2.5 hours, making it a perfect length for a morning or early afternoon activity without feeling rushed. The meeting point at Centraal Station is easy to find, and the mobile tickets make organizing your plan simple.

This tour is suitable for most travelers, including those with mobility considerations, as it’s primarily walking with stops at accessible locations. Service animals are allowed, and the small group size guarantees personal attention.

The Reviews Speak Volumes

Guests consistently praise the guide’s wit and knowledge. Comments like, “Maja was brilliant,” and “her enthusiasm and wry observations were delightful,” reflect how a good guide can make or break this experience. Many mention that they saw places they wouldn’t have discovered alone, which underscores the value of an engaging guide.

One top tip: if you’re interested in getting a lively, authentic look at Amsterdam—beyond the usual tourist spots—this tour hits the mark. It’s perfect for travelers wanting humor, local insights, and a bit of lighthearted mischief.

Who Should Consider This Tour?

This experience is best suited for travelers who enjoy fun stories, witty guides, and a more informal, cheeky approach to history. If your goal is a serious academic lesson on Amsterdam’s history, this might not be your best bet. But if you want a lively, memorable walk with plenty of laughs and insider tips, this tour will delight you.

It’s also a great choice for those who want to see less obvious sights—like the Nieuwezijds Gay Sauna or the Bloemenmarkt—and learn about Amsterdam’s stories that often go untold in traditional guides.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does the tour last?
It lasts around 2 hours and 30 minutes, providing a relaxed pace with plenty of opportunities for questions and photos.

Where does the tour start and end?
It begins at LoetjeStationsplein 10 near Centraal Station and finishes at The Waag on Nieuwmarkt.

Is this tour suitable for all ages?
While primarily designed for adults, most travelers can participate. It’s best for those who appreciate humor and a more irreverent take on history.

What is included in the price?
You get a local guide and access to the stops listed. The ticket is mobile, and no additional charges are required for the sites visited during the walk.

Are tickets refundable?
Yes, you can cancel free of charge up to 24 hours before the tour. After that, refunds are not available.

Is the tour accessible by public transportation?
Yes, the starting point is near public transit options, making it easy to reach whether you’re arriving from your hotel or other parts of the city.

Can I bring service animals?
Absolutely, service animals are allowed on the tour.

Final Thoughts

The Rude Bastards Tour of Amsterdam offers a lively, humorous window into the city’s quirkiest stories and hidden gems. It’s a refreshing alternative to more traditional sightseeing, especially for travelers who value authenticity, humor, and intimate group sizes. With an enthusiastic guide and a trail of amusing anecdotes, you’re guaranteed to leave with a smile—and perhaps a few new insights about Amsterdam’s colorful past.

Whether you’re a first-time visitor or a seasoned traveler, this tour’s mix of history, humor, and local secrets makes it a worthwhile addition to your Amsterdam itinerary. Just remember to keep an open mind and prepare for some cheeky fun along the way.